Another one of the oldest tunes ever, this is a dark tale of a nasty man who stalks ladeez of tha night. Lyrics by Kieron Cheek, music by me, Stu and Kieron... We always though it was a bit on the cheesy side, but back in '99 / 2000 it was one of our most popular songs (with our three fans...)

Lyrics

I call myself the Love Doctor

Doctor Love

I'm the iron hand

in the velvet glove

You know me from your nightmares, baby

You've seen me on TV

I'm everywhere baby

Can't get away from me

So don't you try to understand it

There ain't no other way

It's me on the scene

I saw you at midnight

working love street

and I beckoned you over

just easy meat.

Hi there honey,

are you looking for a good time?

A nod and a smile

and you were all mine, mine, mine!

CHORUS

Middle 8:

The tension's rising now I've got you alone

and though you don't yet know it

you're never gonna make it home...

Gonna give you to the darkness behind my eyes

and you'll live there forever

You're gonna be immortalised

CHORUS

I've got no problem

with the blood on my hands

It's an ancient cycle

I know you'll understand

I'm the destroyer

death and rebirth

walking in the darkness

I stalk the earth!

CHORUS

I wrote this song right at the end of Snow Crash's existence as a band, so had to record everything myself. It's nuts crazy funk and tells a story about megalomania, magic and the close correlation between these and madness. Note the use of Native Instruments Hammond B4 plugin, Fruity Loops for the drums, and a cheap flanger...

LYRICS

Did you ever hear the one about the one-eyed man,

how he opened up a grimoire in another land?

Coz when you’re seeing in mono you’re seeing red

and if anyone can the one-eyed man can

When the magic got out he knew the book was bad,

Saw too many others had the same thing that he had.

Tried to build an army but it drove him mad,

got into his brain like a thousand-eye freight train

Formed his plan in Astrakhan,

If you ever need a pickup then the one-eyed man
can

I ain’t making excuses for the following war,

no-one really knew what they were fighting for.

He knew everyone’s secrets but he wanted more,

like all the little cities on the Caspian sea shore

As soon as the East was one-eye land,

he moved into Europe in a big old transit van

The Americans failed to put up a fight

and the rights of the righteous fell by the wayside

CHORUS

And if the universe seems smaller than it did before

now you see in stereo and more...

You were never satisfied, got more powerful and I

can’t escape your omnipotent stare

CHORUS

So we covered our heads in hats of lead

and cowered in the back of a nuclear shed in Cannes

But the pressure was high and people died

and the man with the plan in astrakhan went mad

Now you’ll see him in the square with the scientist hair

selling ices to the masses with a maniacal stare

You should never try to talk coz he cannot lie

and he’ll show you the method of your demise

(if anyone can you know the one-eyed ice cream man can)

Drives his van, in Astrakhan

If you ever need a pickup then the one-eyed ice cream man can

We just wanted to start with something funky, a sort of break to show off what we could do and wake everybody up before we launched into the plangent rock.  ...read more »