The badger in my soapdish

Is causing me some grief

Every time I use the bath

He snarls and bears his teeth.

It's getting somewhat awkward

I have to wash with cheese

So now I reek of Stilton

My wife is not best pleased.

If I could have a single prayer

Granted me by God

I'd pray for badger-eating wolves

To kill the little sod.

But God ignores my pleading

The badger's here to stay

And so I have to stink of cheddar

Every bloody day.