tags: faculty
my current office stories and excitement


Change Management

I suspect Management might be worried about something...

Just to advise you that there are places available on the following courses, taking place in the near future, as follows;

  • Employment Law
  • Personal Impact of Change & Uncertainty
  • PDR (appraiser training)
  • Resilience – Bouncing Back
  • Bullying & Harassment in the Workplace
  • Managing Stress in the Workplace – workshop for Managers
  • Aspergers & Autism
  • Customer Care
  • Equality & Diversity
  • Heath & Safety
Submitted by dash on Wed, 16/02/2011 - 16:11




Takedown

(Official voiceover) Skip The Budgie has received a Takedown notice from representatives of The Faculty, and so in the interests of keeping my nice, newly acquired job I have decided to remove all Faculty-related stories from the site. The words 'defamation', 'libellous', 'responsibility' and 'disappointed', featured quite heavily in the discussion (which in all honesty, are probably fairly accurate). So I have decided to keep these thoughts to myself and may yet explode,1 but at least have been spared the humiliation of having to buy cakes for everybody I may have offended (of whom, let's face it, there are probably many).

Seriously though, too many people from work have been reading this (thanks, The Grapevine!) and I may not have been giving the best impression of the office, or indeed myself, so in the interest of the team I am taking it down.

Here is a picture of our lovely new archway instead:

Arch In context
  • 1. Please note, I will NOT be your Facebook Friend if I work with you. Sorry, but if life has taught me anything...
Submitted by da-sh on Wed, 10/06/2009 - 11:47




The Holiday is Over

UWE

The girl bunnyhops off the pavement just as the bus is pulling away. The bus goes to overtake and she throws her arm out, swerving across in front of us without so much as a backward glance. She nearly dies under the wheels, a crushed mangled mess of limbs and bicycle, her cycle helmet little help against the weight of the vehicle. But the driver slams on the brakes, bangs his fist on the horn and shares some choice expletives as he spares her life for today. Somehow I don't think she is long for this world.

I return from my exciting week (Canoeing, Gardening, Feasting) refreshed, with a bicycle that HAS a chain and gears that work and lots of enthusiasm for work. My last couple of days before the holiday were spent purging and taking ownership of my office (MY office), I must have got rid of at least half the old crap (Windows 3.1 manuals; how to use email; Graduation photos from 1999 etc) and now have a nice clear desk to rest my feet on. The usual full inbox keeps me occupied until after lunch and I think I'm getting a handle on what needs doing, I feel like I've hardly been in work at all these last few months.

So the summer exams are nearly over and have surpassed all expectations thus far. Surprisingly little has gone awry, the usual odd labelling of coversheets, missing answer books and large print question papers. Some students complain that they don't understand the questions and the Head of School tells them only to answer half the paper. It turns out that the questions are fine and the students just didn't go to any lectures. Our student who is allowed to take his answers into the exams with him complains because the 100% extra time we have given him was inclusive of breaks, and yet in a six hour exam he only manages eight pages.

I should be feeling more like a Manager now this is my Actual Proper Job. Whenever my guys ask me for work to do, I really don't have any to give them. They've already done all the tedious repetitive jobs that I didn't want to do. I'm back in more of a trouble-shooting supervisory role, which on one hand is great, because you just sort of get given easy work by everybody and on the other hand is terrible because you have to make sure you always have something for them to do. I have acquired another underling so I am now in charge of three.

My absences seem to have strengthened New Boy's enthusiasm for his job, he is off Doing Things and Organising Stuff and I am able to sit back and actually catch up with all the things I was supposed to be doing all year. Like writing minutes from September, that sort of thing. I suspect he is getting a bit carried away as he launches into a tirade about one of my other team 'members', who likes to do as little as possible and doesn't know the alphabet. We are going to have to have a Little Chat about not taking sick days after big parties or when you have to move house.

Oh yes, there was a small matter of having to do Jury Duty as well. Here is the lowdown on THAT debacle: I read two very good books in my two weeks in the courts, The Lies of Locke Lamora and Red Seas Under Red Skies, both by Scott Lynch. I actually make it INTO court twice, the first time I fail all the questions and can't be on the Jury and the second time we watch a horrific paedo-incest interview, then sit around for two days before the judge tells us we may as well go home and he'll get another Jury next week... That's me doing my Civil Duty, right there.

Submitted by dash on Mon, 01/06/2009 - 16:10




Thee True Ande Detayled Ackount Of Thee Interviewee

Interview notes

Well maybe you should use this as an opportunity to give up then? Um, maybe you should move your stuff off the sugar bowl so that I can get some sugar? Another lady seems uncomfortably interested in whether I'm feeling okay. Are you alright? She asks about three times. I have no idea why she does this, I just said hello - that's what you're supposed to do right? And people wonder why I don't understand people.

I am disheartened when my International Posting Book goes wandering for a couple of weeks. When I get it back, the culprits have signed off loads of packages, so it's not as if I can't go and hassle them. I opt to write PLEASE DO NOT STEAL in big unfriendly red letters on the cover. Also the whole stealing my giant stapler thing, what is wrong with these people?

Anyway, I am forced to do an interview to keep my job - there was a lot of dithering about whether my predecessor would come back or not and it seems the University eventually paid her to stay away1 and as a result put the job on the market.

So I come into work in a suit, watch the other candidates wander in and out and wonder what questions I am supposed to ask at the end. I work through the laughable 20 minute Arrange these jobs in order of priority test and then sit outside the room for an hour. My Interviewers are my boss, her boss and some random from another Faculty. There is no token man. The whole experience feels unreal, as I stumble around the poorly conceived questions, knowing full well what kind of answers they are looking for. My voice adopts an uneasy monotone and I keep catching myself looking at the ceiling, which you are not supposed to do because it looks like you're lying.

These are always crazy situations, I did the same interview over a year ago, so I've been doing this job for a year and the other people who have applied think they're in with a chance? Even worse - I think I'M in with a chance? I spend the morning writing notes, trying to formalise some good reasons why I'm better than anybody else they could pick. What makes ME stand apart. I'm calm, sarcastic, efficient, great at organising people and running things. Nothing fell over in the last year. What kind of manager am I? How do I deal with difficult people? How do I deal with pressure? Do I spend all day on the internet? What makes a good team? Oh, just shoot me now.

So I say my bit, I don't ask them if they've heard about the bird and then I sit around for 2 hours while everybody else in the office tells me there's no chance that I haven't got it. But what if one of the others is really good? One of them is from downstairs, who I see every day and now we have this weird atmosphere of rivalry even though we rarely share more than a nod over the milk machine.

So they invite me into the little side room and tell me quietly that they think I'm too laid back and I can't get myself across very well in an interview. Then they say that despite all of this, they've decided to offer me the job anyway. Ha. Ha.

And now the woman from downstairs is giving me death eyes because she feels like all of her stress yesterday was a waste of time. But I suppose I don't really care, because now I actually have a proper job at last.

  • 1. May not be true
Submitted by dash on Thu, 16/04/2009 - 16:17




New Staff, Twitter and the G20

Garden-110

Only thirty years to go! He says. Either I look about twenty years older, or there must some sort of time limit that nobody told us about. I'm in it for the long term, I say and he just smiles.

There is a little office meeting wherein we all have to say what we're doing at the moment. I'm the only person who seems to be doing more than three things at once, of course updating Skip The Budgie and Twitter ISN'T on my list but even I am surprised at how much I am expected to do. We have another changeover of staff and of course they give the job to the person I said I'd LEAST like to work with. He does seem to be doing okay though, even if he is trying to compete with me to see who can be the most cynical. This isn't fair. I want to keep my sarcasm crown! The old guy has left to pursue his dream job at Aardman. I tried my best to persuade him that at some point in your life you have to let go of the dream but he went ahead and got the job anyway!

An invitation to interview finds it's way into my letterbox and I have a couple of weeks to go before I officially stake my claim to the job I've been doing since last March. My boss says that if I don’t get it, she'll resign. She is on the interview panel AND my First referee. I have let it be known that should I not get it, I will go and work for Waitrose for the 10% John Lewis discount instead.1 It will be so tempting to just sit back and repeatedly say I refer to my previous interview for this fscking job, but given that a million newly redundant office managers have applied, I will probably actually have to try.

Before then I have to be on the panel for yet another post in the office and ask my usual boring questions about computer literacy before making life or death decisions about someone's career. It'll be good practice though, as I have to do Jury service in a couple of weeks! Hoping for something exciting but it'll probably be really dull and nothing like Trial and Retribution at all. I wonder if they allow Twittering from the court room. It worked for the Pirate Bay!

There is a Big Moaner in the office, many things are causing problems, at the moment the use of a jetwash outside the office is worse than being in Guantanamo Bay. Of course she would know. I suppose if she's been reading Miss Universe's blog she is probably right, in her own little way. I manage to keep my mouth shut, but I can't help wondering where people get their boundaries of tolerance from. Sheltered lives in a compact lower middle class world.

On a more topical note, the office, nay perhaps the whole University appears oblivious to the G20 on which I was hooked on the updates via Twitterfall although it was going a bit quickly to keep track of, not to mention the fact that I'm supposed to be setting a good example for New Boy.2 Anyway, it's amazing how something as basic as Twitter turns into a live news feed with live updates and opinions from all sides of the confused mess of a demonstration. The info from both the Gruaniad journalists, bankers and police as well as the protesters made very interesting reading...


@despotliz : pleased to spot a "down with this sort of thing" placard in the G20 protest photos

@paul__lewis : Police just intercepted tank. Yes, a tank! ..filled with c.10 anarchists, outside RBS, liv st Now under police escort. #G20

@NicoHines : violence! someone just threw an apple at the police as they dragged away some over-eager protesters #G20

@NicoHines : wow - cracking jump-in punch from policeman outside Bank. that's not in Queensbury rules #G20

@chickyog : O no, O no. thr we have it. A Sky News camera crew have attacked the CNN team who wr ruining their shot! ths is terrible. ...

@chickyog : There's BBC's Ben Brogan stripped to the waist screaming 'COME ON ITN, YOU FSCKING WANT SOME?' Shocking, just shocking. #G20

@danielosmith : Apparently seen in bank HQ window during #G20 protest: "While you are here protesting, we are repossessing your homes"

@britalianblog : Well done #G20 RentAMob for smashing RBS windows Can you remember who now owns RBS? YOU DO, IDIOTS.

@elkx : Love the Englishness of the #G20 feed - ripping off tax payers for billions is unfortunate but smashing windows is REALLY serious

@MrAndrew : The protesters are Twittering en masse! They hate capitalism but seem to be fine with getting an iPhone with an 18 month O2 contract.

etc etc....

  • 1. There are still a few things we need to get, the wedding list was very generous though - soon we will have a bathroom floor!
  • 2. Think I might be failing in this regard - see cynicism comment, above.
Submitted by dash on Fri, 03/04/2009 - 10:40